It really does just hurt sometimes...

I am so thankful for every one around us that is constantly encouraging us through our adoption process by asking how it's going and what's new. I find myself, at times, sighing  when I report that nothing has changed and that we are still in paperwork process. I love that others are excited for our process and I hope that all remain excited and keep asking With that being said, my light at the end of my tunnel is growing extremely dim. I am usually most disheartened as I get closer to achieving an objective. The paperwork process  has been a challenge for me especially since I thought we had it all covered. I assumed we would just speed through the required paperwork. I had originally thought when we entered the adoptive process that all our paperwork was going to be so easy since we had been through this before. I did not realize the amount of paperwork that, I incorrectly assumed would be suitable to use, had expired. Of course, we have reapplied for the documentation. Now, we wait. It is so hard to wait. We are still in our paperwork process. Our home study has been completed and submitted for agency approval. Once we receive our agency approval, we then proceed by applying for our CIS clearance. That clearance is one of three documents we are waiting on to complete our dossier. We continue to wait on required documents from South Africa. The projected date for document receipt was March 14th. So close, yet so far.

I had the opportunity to listen to a conference call hosted by our adoption agency today. A lot of good information was obtained in the conference call. Good information- yes, disappointing information-- definitely. With all the projected wait times we could be looking at 10-19 month wait until we bring our babes home after dossier submission. I had hoped to complete our process by the end of this year. Possible? Yes. Likely? After listening to the projections in the conference call-- No. I am grateful that our agency operates with integrity and honesty. I am relieved to know that the wait times that are projected are not minimized to give false hope. Does that take the sting out of knowing that my arms are ready to love my waiting babes? Not really.

All this to say, I am broken-hearted today. I want my babies home. I am not depressed, I am not in despair. I am just experiencing the heart ache of the wait. Nothing left is in my control. I cannot do anything to speed this process. I am reliant on others and their burning desire to bring my babies home. I wish I could believe that every one that touched our adoption paperwork had the sense of urgency that I do.

In light of all that I have just shared-- trying to work through all my feelings right now-- I am going to share the text I received from our Pastor today. He has started a text messaging ministry where he sends out a "Morning Munition." It has had application every day but today I  especially needed what he shared. He sent:

Instant gratification (getting what we want and when we want it) can lead to disappointment, deprivation, and even death. Let us be willing to wait and not be weary for the proper people, place, or things! Galatians 6:9 "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."