I have learned love in so many different ways. Positive and negative experiences of love have influenced how I love and show love. I considered sharing a negative experience so that I could demonstrate how that particular negative experience taught me how to and how not to love. I began typing out a story. I am sure that my sensational story would have attracted a lot of readers (a negative story seems to attract a lot of attention). As I droned on and on about my woes of love, I started to consider that sharing that story was one of the most unlovely things I could do. I do not need to expose how I feel I was wronged in love. I am sure, like me, everyone has a story or two-- or more of how anothers' love or lack of love has influenced his or her life. Because of the negative demonstration of love, there are choices that can be made. Either the choice can be made to become bitter toward another or maybe, just maybe experience the ah-ha moment that I just did.
So here it is... here are my AH-HA! thoughts. How many years have I sat around with these negative feelings about a few unlovely acts? I cannot believe I have allowed myself to be ruled by my anger and bitterness over a sad situation for so long. How pathetic! We have all been wronged in our life. I have droned on and on and on (and on and on and on and on and on-- you get the idea) about the injustice I was served and how it was so unloving (Ask poor Jim, Erin, Tiff, Roy, Joelle, Jessica-- I am sorry-- truly, so very sorry to spread my bitterness to you for years and years). How could anyone who claims love not actually show love? How could anyone who claims love let me suffer like that when I was screaming HELP at the top of my lungs? How could they not see that I needed an act of love to help me? I have learned many valuable lessons of love because of this particular situation-- so many things that I claim I would never do and so many things that I affirm I would definitely do as a result of others' choices not to love me as I thought was appropriate. AH-HA! Maybe they were doing the best that they could. Maybe they were unsure how to love me. Maybe the situation was so volatile they had no idea how I would respond to more love than what was being shown. Maybe I need to let go and just love that they did the best they could with what information and resource they had. Maybe I need to realize that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Maybe I need to step outside of my bitterness and understand that I am not showing love any better than anyone else by pointing out how it could have been better "if only." Maybe I need to show an act of love by forgiving.
Today, February 3, 2011, on this day of love, in this month of love I choose to love. I choose to forgive. I choose to let go. I choose to be grateful for the love that WAS actually shown to me by others. I choose to see that negative situation in a new light-- the light of love-- I was being loved in the best way that others' knew how. Thank you for your love. I hope that I am always able to choose love-- it feels so much better than the ugly bitterness I have carried around for so long. I am sitting straighter today with this weight of the past off my shoulders.